Returning to work after taking parental leave comes with its challenges and it isn’t a one size fits all solution. Dr Michael McLaughlin is a Rural Generalist with advanced skills in surgery, working with the Flying Specialist Service across much of rural and remote Queensland. Michael is a father to 2 young boys, and just like many Rural Generalists, has had to transition from parental leave back into the workplace as a practising Rural Generalist. Michael shares his own personal experience of returning to work after parental leave and how he and his husband overcame the challenges to create a healthy balance that works for their family.
‘My husband and I moved to Roma in 2019 whilst expecting our first child. It was always my plan to take parental leave, but I just started a new job and felt anxious about taking time away. I work for Queensland Health and was privileged to access 14 weeks paid leave as the primary carer. In 2020 I returned to work immediately full time and my husband took flexible parental leave for a further year from his financial sector employer. In 2023, we were lucky enough to have our second son. This time I took 14 weeks and then did a flexible return to work, coming back originally at 0.2FTE and returning to work full time when my son was 8 months old.’
Like most parents, Michael felt conflicted about returning to work. ‘As I practice a procedural skill, I missed the work and was concerned about de-skilling. At the same time, I wanted to spend every possible moment with my children. Overwhelmingly the community was incredibly supportive, though I was forced to set clear boundaries. I was no longer able stay back as I had a child to pick up or put to bed. It wasn't as easy to take that extra on call shift or cover that weekend shift. Having amazing colleagues who have been through the same experience and understood intimately, made this transition easier. It took time to re-evaluate how I saw myself as a clinician, knowing that my family was always a priority, but still providing excellent care, just with some more personal boundaries.’
Michael’s personal parenthood experience has made it easier for him to connect with parents clinically, but it has also come with its own challenges. ‘I now understand the worried parents who, at 3 in the morning (as I too have), were googling “what is a normal baby poo”. It does however mean that the difficult paediatric cases became more personal, I wasn’t just Dr Michael - I was “Ollie’s or Finn’s Papa” and that patient may be in my son’s class. What might not have affected me as much previously, made me go home, have a cry, and hug my children even more.’
After working as a surgical PHO for years and working on call rurally, Michael thought he was resistant to fatigue, but on returning to work after parenthood, he says he has never been more tired in his life!
‘If I have a big day at work there is no more cereal for dinner and crashing on the couch, instead there are day care pickups, lunches to be made, and washing to be done. Even those nights you’re not on call, you are awake at least once. Once the children are in bed you get your first moment to yourself and it’s easy to fall into the trap of staying up late just to unwind, only to be more tired the next day. On return to work your days are not as efficient as they used to be. There is no more rolling out of bed 15 minutes before work, running through the shower, sniff checking some scrubs and rolling into work 10 minutes early. Chasing children around a house who refuse to wear pants, or argue about getting in the car, means you’re awake 2 hours earlier just to get to work 10 minutes late. That’s if you even make it to work in the first place. Day care offers a new plague each week so even if you have a spot for them, you spend days at home when they can’t go. Life at home and work changes and you must adjust how you see yourself and your daily priorities. You might stay back to help in a complex case and have great professional satisfaction, just in time to miss bedtime and still feel disappointed. It is not possible to do everything.’
Having a strong support system in place is how Michael and his husband have both successfully managed to not only return to work, but grow a successful business.
‘Support is essential, the days of one parent staying at home and doing all the household tasks are over. Just before our eldest son turned one, we had an opportunity to buy a farm close to town. This allowed my husband’s parents to move to Roma. Having grandparents around can never be undervalued. They provide a unique perspective to our children, support us, and are the extra pair of hands when we need it. We value them so much and all that they do to make our family. It may not need to be grandparents, but having a support network to call on when that unexpected workload occurs is essential. Being flexible and accepting that you will have to either delegate at work, or at home, means that you can be there when it truly matters. If you have the resources to have a cleaner, or gardener, or even a nanny to support… do it.’
Michael’s final encouragement is to take parental leave, in whatever form it comes. ‘Those early days of childhood are only fleeting, being there as an active parent is incredibly rewarding and important. I would not want anyone to miss those milestones, like the first time your child eats dogfood, or laughs at their own fart. Forcing yourself to slow down and accept that even if all you achieve in the day is keeping the baby alive, it is still a successful day. The balance of work and time away will be different for everyone, but I’ve never met a parent who regretted taking time away from work to look after their children - I know I haven’t.’